The Story Behind It
I have seen only 3 seasons of Big Boss. 1st one, then some parts of 13th when I used to visit my parents to sit along with them and now BB15. I don’t know why I started watching it may be because it has been the worst of all times on the way people are treated. This week was the lowest of all times even in their history but why I am talking about it is because this week had 2 major issues as a woman, one was related to consent and another one as when you are in a relationship how much giving is okay? But for today I will focus on Consent only.
By BHOOMI DIWA
Last week, there was an issue in Big Boss 15 about somebody asking for a kiss from an opposite-gender friend thinking that it is okay to do so. First of all, how it was handled by both parties. People in the house’s reactions were disturbing. Last but not least how the host handled the scenario was giving leverage to the guy who never understood why he was being questioned rather he dared to think the host never questioned him.
If you ask me how things went in the whole debate on all social media forums, it evoked an emotion in me and asked me, again and again, to question why are not we raising the men properly to understand the term of consent. This is something as human beings of both genders we have to still understand. This is nothing to do so with any of the actors on the house, they all were showing their upbringings and mindset. Trust me some of them were below the belt and some didn’t know to whom to react. A few things that should be punished for having been raised badly and the consent was not shown properly. The consent is nowhere to be seen, heard, understood by anyone in India.
Before we proceed further let’s understand from a video of tea and consent. In the video, they have said that let’s replace sex with tea and made everyone understand the concept of consent easily. In each of the scenarios whether and how somebody says whether they want tea? Depending upon the scenario even if they have said yes, can you make them drink tea?
I was lucky to have explored a few countries where “No meant No” and understood the actions of No, not just by lip service. The gist of the video says even if somebody thinks they like and want tea but there are scenarios even then also you can’t make them drink tea and each one of them is explored. This is something as mothers we should be teaching both girls and boys so both understand their responsibilities. And neither gender should force themselves on the other.
“No man is good enough to govern any woman without her consent.“~ Susan B. Anthony
Now coming back to Big Boss, one of the participants reacted in such a manner that you can sense that she has gone through this experience and has gone numb at that point and now she can’t repeat the mistake. While some blamed the girl to let him cross the line. While I don’t want to personally favour any one of them. Let’s understand how can I girl try to use somebody and create a hill out of the mole. You are the sanguine and choleric temperament, you are bound to be smiling and cutely even if you don’t like the other person. Now can this be taken in another way, wouldn’t you be shocked for your life? Imagine the first time you have seen with any of the friends that some guy teases how other people in surroundings react helps her establish her mindset how to say and react in the future based on how people were reacting near her. Can she even confide and trust people who are her tribe? What can she do? How vocal she can be? It all depends on what you do today. So next time you want your fellow females (in any capacity) in your life to be vocal and give her that space.
Now let’s see from the guy’s perspective, he was never
raised to understand the concept of “No actually meant No”. If he had seen when
a female says No it means NO not like Salman and Kajol’s song “Mera naa-me hi
haan” and many more movie scenes also. He wouldn’t have been able to think
otherwise. Imagine multiple movies, songs conveying that girl’s No means that
you can take one step forward. Everybody wants to be Kabir Singh while
forgetting Pink. So as a woman it’s our responsibility to let men understand our
No means No. As fellow males, it’s our responsibility to let other men
understand when they are crossing limits and are wrong instead to encourage
them. In the episode, the guy should have been bashed so badly that next time
he had to think 10 times before forcing himself on his wife. And this for the
when people are not romantically involved, I don’t know when we will be mature
enough to talk about martial rapes or rape by the partner.
This is coming from a female who as part of life coach had heard a lot of stories from the female side, some of their parents or partners would have stopped to be known and they have internally cried for ages and realized there is no place where they can tell their side of stories. I know some of them are still going through life with unhealed scars. Some will find their freedom some will have their tribe to support them. With this blog, I want to have more people be part of that tribe and people can be more vocal while also understanding what is the first step they could have stopped but in a manner, it doesn’t disturb their peace of mind and sleep.
An interesting reading Diwan Bhoomika. As usual you have put the perspective very honestly. The topic is intense and you have dealt with it with sensibility.
Good going. Keep it up. Always looking forward to your piece of wriitng.
Thanks so much Mahesh
Well written bhoomika. Your view point is spot on. Very few Indian movies show how creepy it is for women with the stalking culture. Also the fact that male populace need to be taught better is the basic part of the problem.
Thanks Anand