The Story Behind It
The idea of this came to me while I was having dinner with some colleagues over this weekend. I was bombarded with the questions people pay you because you listen? Are you a therapist in disguise? Do people come to you because they are lonely? All people without friends come to you? Piles and piles have questions that I have been answering for ages. Other field coaches have to talk and you don’t even get to talk. Can’t friends tell you what we want to hear? Let’s put an end to this for once and all and if you ever become my client or any of the coaches, there are a few things to be sure of what you will be getting into and what to expect out of the life coaching. This will make you understand whether you should be going for the counselor, healer, therapist, or for that matter psychiatrist.
By BHOOMI DIWA
The idea of this came to me while I was having dinner with some colleagues over this weekend. I was bombarded with the questions people pay you because you listen? Are coaches therapists in disguise? Do people come to you because they are lonely? All people without friends come to you? Piles and piles have questions that I have been answering for ages. Other field coaches have to talk and you don’t even get to talk. Can’t friends tell you what we want to hear? Let’s put an end to this for once and all and if you ever become my client or any of the coaches, there are a few things to be sure of what you will be getting into and what to expect out of the life coaching. This will make you understand whether you should be going for the counsellor, healer, therapist, or for that matter psychiatrist.
What is the job of the Life Coach?
Life Coach is all about helping you succeed and plan your life towards your next step from wherever you are. The best way to describe us is that we use the Socratic questioning within our coaching discussions to understand their thought process, purpose, skills, objectives, and abilities. On the journey of these conversations, clients generally realize what is the limiting belief they had which was stopping them to achieve their goals, desires, and passion. The fundamental thought of coaching is based on the fact they are you are full to achieve whatever you want and to be able to hear their answers. Since as coaches we are required not to give advice or our thought process so coaching is never about mentoring or counselling, Therapy is very common
Why is it not Therapy?
Therapy is used when you want to heal and grow. Therapists are qualified people who are meant to deal with mental illness as well. The therapist is needed when you are broken somewhere and need to improve in that area. Therapists help you feel better.
Both seemed like talk therapy but the focus of the talking and session is all about you. And the journey on both starts with self-discovery and leads to personal growth it may seem like both are the same. But the environment created is different, Coaches create a safe encouraging space where some pressure is applied and you are made accountable for your efforts to achieve your goals. A coach might help you to achieve progress for that book you wanted to write, in your love life, or that weight plan you wanted to lose. Sometimes they help you define some of the goals which you thought you will ever be able to achieve. Life coaches might not be experts in that area like other Agile Coaches in content but they are helping you to take extra steps each day to achieve and before you realize it becomes your habit. While a therapist creates a safe space away from all pressures of society, career, or any person which may be making you anxious, depressed, or stressed out. And to address your last point based on their experiences and their temperament all coaches find their niche and help in those problems like there is a dating coach, there is a relationship coach, growth coach, writing coach.
Why your friends, mentors, or family members can’t be your coaches?
While life coaches are restrained to take up any therapy cases or giving pieces of advice. Why can’t this be done by a friend or family member? Why should someone pay to achieve which is within them?
Because the people who are near and dear to you how much well-meaning they are for you, they have their agendas. Sometimes even when people have the best of interests they can manipulate us into believing what they want rather than helping us achieve what we want. It’s very hard for them to remain neutral about your choices. The choices you make will reflect upon them also. The progress you make might mean that the relationship you have with them will have to change. For example, you are bonding with somebody through whiskey on daily basis and when you switch to a healthy diet, it might mean they will have to change for which they are not ready if they want to be around so the easiest way is that they will push you the drinking one whiskey one more day and you will be stuck with them forever. Also sometimes their emotions and equations to remain friends with you are more important than making you accountable for your actions. So as coaches they are not good but they can’t ruin the friendship.
So in short, when you are talking to the life coach think of them as lighthouses and you as the boats in the ocean, they can guide you to your destination, throw a light on you the hurdles, be their standing as tall as they can for you but they can’t go to the destination for you. They are not the boats that journey is yours. The destination can be your career, personal life. The result people have achieved after hiring a coach is tremendous and that’s why they are ready to pay so much.
“A coach is someone that sees beyond your limits and guides you to greatness” ~ Michael Jordan
Does that mean anybody with a wish to improve can be onboarded to our wagon of coaching?
This one is coming from a personal hard lesson that I learned in the last 2 years that some people are not coachable. But as coaches also need to see whether you are coachable or not. Wasting time means more frustrations and results that both coaches and coachee feel unsatisfied. Before we onboard somebody we want to see whether there is something you truly want to change or improve in your life. Do you have that realization? Are you willing to make any necessary changes? Are you willing and okay to keep us in that process informed? If the answer to all 3 above questions is yes, the coach will be happy to welcome you on the journey of your progress.
All the best to find out your lighthouse to keep the lights on to help reach your direction.