Life is the hardest teacher, it gives the test first and the lesson after. This is how I am feeling right now. I am overwhelmed with so many emotions and didn’t know how to let it go. But some part inside me said lets capture this moment for my whole life and what better way than penning it down. I want my Nanimaa(Grand Maa) from wherever you are seeing to forgive me for taking some bits our relationship in public. Today my Grandma passed away and I felt as if one of the pillars holding me has fallen apart. I felt something inside me has died and I don’t know how long I can hold this building together. When I heard the news I went through all the emotions described below
“maine aapne har aansooo hassi me chupae hai…. pta nhi khuda ki kya marzi thi aisha sahlab aaya or hum beeche sadak me aapna rona hi nah rok pae…..Nanimaa these lines are dedicated to u …. u were the one who imbibed in me to keep faith in God…. Now I doubt those lines ….I needed u most in this phase of my life when he(GOD) has taken you away from me….”
All these few hours have made me revisit all the moments I have spent with her and how she has shaped my life. All the people who have known me as hard person and who know I don’t cry much like gals etc is partly due to her who has shown me the internal strength of a woman. She was one who imparted the fighting spirit in each of my cousins. On one hand she used to make us understand what’s right and what’s wrong and on another hand she was most fun loving person I have ever seen of her genera. She used to be part of almost all our pranks but still maintained a discipline in us. My cousin brother used to tease her to see her million dollar smile by calling her Sexy after release of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Imagine that my very cousin has a birthday today. Today all those years when we would wait for our breaks to meet her and have best of the time seems like a distant dream.Writing each word makes me weep but I would try to hold my tears here only as she has always said “Always carry yourself with dignity and grace”. Maintaining that head held high I can only say I truly love you nanu… you were my jaan . As in my childhood today also I am fighting with everyone to be with you, like old days please convince everybody that I can stay with you for few more days.
If anyone of you has any person whom you value a lot please express your love as soon as possible before its late and you regret it later and you have say the line “Life is the hardest teacher, it gives the test first and the lesson after”. Today I find living in this reality tough and want to break all the worldly web apart just to be with her.