The Story Behind It
” Where there is anger there is always pain underneath.” ~Eckhart Tolle
By BHOOMI DIWA
While growing up we all are told that having anger is not good. You would be reminded that you will not gain anything from anger. To add to that you would have grown up hearing “Anger is like fire. It burns everything around it “. As a child, if adult you don’t teach you to accept negative emotions, they turn into tantrums and nobody likes tantrums is what the message you have registered in your mind.
My idea around it changed as I became the life coach, I realized when you can’t express sad emotions or anger emotions you are holding back other emotions like love also. You are not living your life if you are not experiencing all emotions. On the surface, it may seem everything is perfect but deep down you will not feel fulfilled. I am not a fan of drama but clear communication is what is required.
With the passage of my interactions with other people, hearing other people story and seeing them grow when they accepted their own emotions, calmly communicated their emotions to other people. This helps you set the healthy boundaries. Even if after calmly sharing your thoughts if the other people don’t rise to your expectation, you are sure that was either they were dead acquaintance or they can’t give you want in your interactions. Wish them well and move on with peace in heart
I will try to explain this through a story and various scenarios. Let’s assume you are in an intimate relationship with your partner. Every partner has their their expectation of love language. Generally, there are 5 love languages – word of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, the act of service and receiving gifts. When any two people who love and adore each other also will have different love languages. With best of interest also there will be moments we will work from our love language like if we understand love from word of affirmation, we will complement our partner assuming to make them feel loved while they may be looking for quality time to feel loved. In this knowingly or unknowingly either we have hurt the people we wanted them to feel loved. At these times, when the other person is hurt, what are the first emotions they will experience either fear that you are not loving them or anger that they have been let down by the person who they value the most or loneliness that they are all alone even with the partner. But when your partner sees you doing things for him or her, even though they are not feeling loved will not say anything. They will try to rationalize the situation and wouldn’t raise this point. At the start, it looks very cute but deep down they start to develop and remember that they are feeling unloved. This may be due to their childhood but the deep down root will get eroded to the surface before you even realize it. For your partner, it may be that even if they don’t say those words they still love them. But the point is whenever you find the disturbances within yourselves, instead of rationalizing why you are doing what you are doing? Learn to embrace them and grow from there.
Mostly any of these emotions if not expressed properly will result in unresolved issues either you find will in your body as disease or your mood or productivity will be impacted. Which is the last thing you should be considering the pandemic we are facing.
Anything that disturbs your peace, look at the root of it, whether it has an underlying root cause in your body. Generally, anger has a concealed emotions of jealousy, envy, blame, shame, disappointment, withdrawal even shame. Try to understand those emotions. Once you start to acknowledge, honour those emotions you will start to learn and work upon yourselves. These will be ground for you to unfold the limiting belief you have been carrying for yourself through so many years. You will find more opportunities to love yourself and keep reminding yourself that your peace is the most important need of the hour.
I am one of the perfectionist kind of person raised by one of the perfectionist parents, I can get upset with myself when I am not able to put my points across graciously. Stronger my point will be lower my voice will be once I have dig deep why I am feeling what. If another person doesn’t respect my feeling, I know where I stand in their life and where that friendship or acquaintance will end. Initial days I would have shame on that fact also but nowadays I will just respect myself and other person to move on in life.
Slowly this journey will take you to the place where you will realize that you are making the choices true to your heart. And your heart is acting from the state of love.
So to start loving the world and world-loving you back I recommend to everyone learn to embrace the anger to embrace love
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” ~ Rumi