The Story Behind It
As we mature, we have either fallen into the trap of either not telling the whole world to know what we are up to or we say to everybody. The right way of living is never in extremes but to find the people whom you can trust and feel belonged
By BHOOMI DIWA
“Not everyone needs to know your story. People have to earn it to know your story.” This was my starting point on the journey to define TRUST test and how to build personal and professional relationships. Trust is not handed over to anyone easily but when you share small vulnerable things, how safe you feel with that information in hands of others, trust is built.
But what if you get to define the trust as the B(oundaries)R(eliablilty)A(accountability)V(ault)I(ntegrity)N(on-judgement)G(enerosity). I think I fell in love with Brene because maybe I was doing few things intuitively but the formula makes it easy to share with the world rather than saying my gut told me that
Boundaries are nothing but You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s
okay and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no. So let’s assume that people around you have a herd mentality and when you don’t want to tell somebody something, they feel obligated to invade your privacy. Will you be able to trust them? So if you have told them about your boundaries maybe you wouldn’t even talk to them. So now you know why sneak peek either in someone’s work or personal life is annoying and ultimately you lose trust and in turn the relationship.
Reliability is you do what you say you’ll do overtime again and again. In personal life when your friend is going through some challenging situation, you just contact them to check on them whether they are okay or not. In work front, be sure about your competencies and limitations to commit and deliver only for the things you are competent for it.
Accountability is owning to your mistakes, apologize, and make amendments. If somebody has a tough time saying sorry or changing their behaviour, I don’t think I will ever put my trust again on them.
Vault is You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. In case you are sharing
need to know that my with me any
information about other people that should be confidential. If you are sharing what is not yours as a way to hotwire connection and as Brene Brown explained it as common enemy intimacy can be good in the short run but troublesome in longer run so I will weary of you because you didn’t respect someone else story maybe later you can. This is what happens in some of our workplaces and we run away from that asshole or team as such. for example, you go to one of your friend’s house and you share the cake. Your friend also shares the recipe with you. Will go ahead and build a bakery shop based on that receipe? Will you honour them and respect them. In case you find any profitable business idea either you involve your friend or take their permission, if not you are breaking the vault of trust for few pennies
Integrity is tested now and then. You choose what is right over
an easy solution. I can’t trust you if you don’t work from the place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.
Non-Judgement – This was one of the key parameters for me. I can fall apart and be in struggle without being judged by you. In case you help me and make me feel inferior, somehow I will never be able to trust you again. This comes from the place of adding value to help. You will subconsciously think less of someone who asks for your help. In case you are not able to ask for help, it is not a trusting relationship. I have seen in my life when people don’t stop judging and in turn, lose people in the long run while they keep repeating the tag I always helped him or her and they don’t value me. Because that is not coming from a place of equality
Last and most important thing, you can assume the most generous things about my words, intention and behaviour and then checking on me.
“Trust is built when someone is vulnerable and not taken advantage of.” ~ Bob Vanourek
or
“Trust is choosing something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else ” ~ Charles Feltman
“Not everyone need to know your story. People have to earn it to know your story.” This was my starting point on the journey to define TRUST test and how to build personal and professional relationships. Trust is not handed over to anyone easily but when you share small small vulnerable things , how safe you feel with that information in hands of others, trust is built.
But what if you get to define the trust as the B(oundaries)R(eliablilty)A(accountability)V(ault)I(ntegrity)N(on-judgement)G(enerosity). I think I feel in love with Brene because may be I was doing few things intutitively but formula makes it easy to share with the world rather than saying my gut told me that
Boundaries is nothing but You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s
okay and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no. So let’s assume that people around you have herd mentality and when you don’t want to tell somebody something , they feel obligated to invade your privacy. Will you be able to trust them? So if you have clearly told them about your boundaries may be you wouldn’t even talk to them. So now you know why sneakpeak either in someone’s work or personal life is annoying and ultimately you lose trust and in turn the relationship.
Reliability is you do what you say you’ll do over time again and again.In personal life when your friend is going through some challenging situation , you just contact them to check on them whether they are okay or not. In work front, be sure about your competencies and limitations to commit and deliver only for the things you are competent for it.
Accountability is owning to your mistakes, apologize, and make amendments. If somebody has tough time saying sorry or changing their behaviour, I don’t think I will ever put my trust again on them.
Vault is You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. In case you are sharing
need to know that my with me any
information about other people that should be confidential. If you are sharing what is not yours as way to hotwire connection and as brene brown explained it as common enemy intimacy can be good in short run but troublesome in longer run so I will weary of you because you didn’t respected someone else story may be later you can . This is what happens in some of our workplace and we runaway from that asshole or team as such. for example you go one of your friend’s house and you share the cake . Your friend also share the recipe with you . Will go ahead and build a bakery shop based on that receipe ? Will you honour them and respect them. In case you find any profitable business idea either you involve your friend or take their permission, if not you are breaking the vault of trust for few pennies
Integrity is tested every now and then. You choose what is right over
easy solution. I can’t trust you if you don’t work from the place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.
Non-Judgement – This was one of the key parameters for me. I can fall apart and be instruggle without being judged by you. In case you help me and make me feel inferior , somehow I will never be able to trust you again. This comes from the place of adding value to the help. You will subconsciously think less of someone who asks for your help. In case you are not able to ask for help , it is not a trusting relationship. I have seen in my life when people don’t stop judging and in turn lose people in longer run while they keep repeating the tag I always helped him or her and they don’t value me.Because that is not coming from place of equality
Last and most important thing , you can assume the most generous things about my words, intention and behaviour and then checking on me.
This was the toughest topic for me, even though a lot has been written about it but living through each experience. The part of the brain that controls the feeling is not part of the brain which control the language.
So next time you are facing trust issues with others you can actually write down the building blocks of it and in case you are still not able to nail it in others, maybe you are having trust issues with yourself first.
“When a shirtless person offers you their shirt be wary of him.”
So trust starts with you, always define your BRAVING and lead a fulfilling life with defining at least a few trusting relationships
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