The Story Behind PopIt
When we have the choice to choose our tribe , why do people still feel suffocated among our own people. Why do feel to pretend in some way with some people while we feel motivated or rather found our home kind of feeling with others? Let’s dig further!!!
By BHOOMI DIWA
The more I get the philosophy of life or people around me, more I feel that I am finding the meaning of the words in English language. Strangely this time I came across 2 exceptionally fine words with almost similar meaning and how 360 degree differently one can feel. In some of the dictionary, when we search for manipulation word influence is used to explain it. So before going further let us understand with the example when we use what and define it. Understand when we are manipulating or influencing others. How to safeguard yourself from feeling claustrophobic or distorted or sophisticated feeling?
When I go out I always pay out for everyone without asking for 1-2 times. After 3rd or 4th time if others start to pay , this is we are influencing the behaviour of others without saying , anything and showcasing how it can be done is influencing . Influence can be negative also if I smoke and people around me emulate that thinking it’s cool then influence will be negative
When I go out and when bill is about to come, I start looking into my pocket and say I do not have my purse with me. Nobody asks me to pay the bill , I manipulated everyone around me to stop asking me for money. This is manipulation when we adapt, change or influence others to suit one’s own purpose While influence is when we affect , sway , move or impel.
“The key difference between influence and manipulation is in manipulation, manipulator is least concerned about the purpose or needs of the person. While influence doesn’t have the same connotation. The difference lies in the intent and usage of the technique.“
So understand how this could take place with anyone in a common place ? Now let’s take example of workplace since there are not much emotions involvement we can see through the lies every easily. Assume when you are dependent on a job or paycheck for your survival and when you inform your boss that you are looking for that promotion. And he says he will look into it and you just keep focusing on the work and put some extra hours to get that promotion. You put in the extra work but you don’t get the promotion despite you doing everything under sun to be in your boss ‘s good books. When your boss didn’t had intent to promote you but wanted you to work extra hard to get his deliverables this is manipulation. Here you will feel bad because you have been pushed or tricked to do something you really didn’t wanted to do ? Will this person have lasting impact ? No manipulator has lasting impact or influence over person being manipulated . People rather lose respect and may cut of the manipulator in longer run.
Since manipulator are the people who are incapable of asking for what they want and need in a direct way , they resort to usage of fear , obligation , guilt or power over you for you to do what manipulator wants you to do. This is so extreme there is a word in town to see through lies, manipulation of manipulators. One of the other signs of manipulation is if favours are done but there are strings attached to it , manipulation is occurring . manipulation can starts either by asking for small favours and then the big one while it could be reverse . if you say no to to the smaller ones , you will say yes to bigger one . Depending upon your personal boundary and strategy of starting small or big can change the game. Basically your frame of reference is changed using your own emotions. In toxic relationships manipulator will make the victim believe the kind of the interactions they are having is normal.
To break free from being manipulated always remember “People who manipulate have lousy boundaries” and you are not responsible for other’s emotions and how they feel . Avoid any self -blame , guilty to avoid changing their frame of reference.
Always try to delay your response to avoid being pressurized like delay saying something . Sleep on it and get the hang of what you are committing to. Always take few hours before responding yes or no to anything. Put focus on them and ask them some questions back like “Do you have a say in this ?” , “Are you asking me or telling me ?”, “ So what I get out of this ?” , “Does this seem reasonable to you?” You are putting mirror in front of them may be they will realize. And remember when you are not comfortable doing something NO is the best answer and don’t feel urged to say yes.
In short if you are manipulating someone your lies will be short lived and people will see you as con artist
But if you are surrounded by a great leader or an extraordinarily strong person in your personal life. When do you influenced by someone? When you feel the decision, you make are yours and any suggestions or something you saw on others is for your best interest. You have empowered feeling while interacting with the influencer. We see influencer in positive light , we respect and trust them.
How to identify the influencer in your life? Influencing others needs to have a shared vision for the future. If you want to become the influencer in someone’s life be the living example by giving the people what they want , make them feel included and important Connect with emotions and trust me when you connect with someone’s emotions they belief in your vision they will do more things without being asked for . You gain more when you empower them. You can disagree with people but respect their opinion. So in short if the person alongwith you doesn’t feel valued and share long term future with you , he will not be influenced.
When in the world of influencer and manipulator , you sustain more healthy relationship be it personal or professional life with influence then why some people play some low games and losing their respect in the end .
I am not sure about them but recently after working with few influencer , I will try walk the path of my talk and may be influence few people but I am scared to death since this might be another form of manipulation. Without going too much into wordings I will go with the intent of including people alongwith me . I can’t choose my office people much in such times but my closer group will be really close for only influencer. Happy Saturday on this note and Remember you always have a choice